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My Name is Roger and I am an alcoholic in recovery. My sobriety date is August 22, 1997. I am so very grateful that God has blessed me with sobriety, after so many years of unhappiness and discontentment.
My drinking story is pretty simple. I drank and couldn't stop. I didn't know that I couldn't stop though. One was to many and a thousand not enough. The denial that I could possibly have a problem with alcohol seemed beyond my imagination. I had a problem with lots of other things, people, places, my former spouse, and my daughter, but certainly not alcohol. After all, I could stop anytime I wanted to, even though I never really tried. It wasn't until I had drunk away my Second Career, my family, a special lady and the few friends I had left that I realized I was an alcoholic. But I still couldn't quit.
So this is my story:
I was born on August 5, 1950 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, ironically know then as the Beer Capital of the World. My father was a career soldier and my mother was just that a mother (Gods greatest gift.) My father was an Alcoholic and our family would be classified as being dysfunctional, Our home was filled with violence and fear. I often wondered what I did to make my father drink. When I twelve my parents finally got divorced, and my mother and I went to live with my Grandparents. My life finally took on some resemblance to what would be considered normal and I tried to forget all the terrible things my father had done to the two of us. I graduated from high school in May of 1969.
After graduation, I joined the Army because I did not feel that I was mature enough to attend college and my draft number was 54. My Army career was long and successful. After four years of enlisted service, I applied for and was accepted as a Warrant Officer in Air Defense Artillery. I spent the majority of my career in Europe and was proud to serve my country. During my Army career I got married, fathered a daughter and started making my plans for when I would retire. I stayed in the Army for 23 years, retiring as a Senior Chief Warrant Officer 4.
I retired in September of 1992 at Fort Bliss, in El Paso, Texas. After I retired I went to work for a company as their Site Manager/Senior Field Service Engineer providing contractor logistical support for Army training devices located at Fort Bliss. I was finally in the big times. I had it all. Successful military career, great second career started my health and life was good or so I thought. My problems became apparent when I applied for an insurance policy in September of 1992, and was told that I was not eligible for the premium policy that I wanted. I had to take some medical test and they showed that I had some problems. When I asked Stan (my insurance salesman) what the problem was, he simply put a copy of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" on my kitchen table and said "Roger you're an Alcoholic like I was when I retired, 15 years ago (Stan was a recovering alcoholic with 12 years sobriety.") I was stunned, to say the least, and not so politely asked him to leave my house. When Stan left, his copy of Alcoholics Anonymous was still the kitchen table. I read Alcoholics Anonymous and I saw so much of myself in those words that I began to really believe I might be alcoholic (I mailed that book back to him.) But I still did not quit drinking. I said, "That can not be me, why I have everything I ever wanted!" Then one day in October of 1992, I came home and asked my spouse what she would like for her birthday, and she replied, that "it would be at the house in about 20 minutes. " I waited patiently wondering what in the world it could be. I could not believe it when a moving van showed up. Needless to say she and my daughter left. The next day I was served with divorce papers. But I still did not quit drinking. In fact I started drinking more. Alcohol had really become my best friend, lover and my constant companion. In 1995, the company I was working for restructured their contractor logistical support due to government resizing and funding constraints and my position was eliminated (could it have been because of my problem with alcohol) and I became unemployed. So I moved back to Wisconsin to live with my mother (I went into hiding).
I really believed that by moving to Wisconsin that I had solved all my problems. But little did I know then, that Alcohol is - cunning, baffling, and powerful- coupled with a long memory. I managed to curb my drinking somewhat and met a special lady. But I still did not quit drinking.
Finally at the end of my rope (I was drinking 30 beers a day and weighed 100 pounds) I turned to the one person that had stood by my side my whole life. My Mother. I asked her to call, the police and have me put away before I ended up killing someone. Well my mother did not call the police, she called our local Veterans Representative and they made arrangements to get me into a substance abuse program at the Veterans Hospital in Milwaukee.
I admitted myself to the Veterans hospital (my mother drove because I was drunk) for detoxification on August 22, 1997. My first real AA meeting was on the 25th of August 1997. I had gone nearly 72 hours without a drink (first time in about 7 years) and could barely talk, walk, or hold on to a coffee cup. What I heard at that meeting made me realize that I was an Alcoholic and that I belonged in AA. After the Lord's Prayer at the end of that first meeting I suffered, what the medical staff called, a Seizure (I think of it as my Wake Up Call). Thank God, all the medical tests they performed came back negative. I firmly believe that God in His mysterious ways had led me to something I hadn't had in a long time, HOPE! I returned to the Veterans hospital in September of 1997 (having been sober for the whole time) and went through their 35 day Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Program. Since August 22, 1997, I've not found it necessary to drink. The compulsion to drink hasn't been removed, but AA is stronger than alcohol.
Today I am content. I am starting college this fall, only took 29 years. I have a strong belief in my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. I also trust Him to lead me in every facet of my life. My program of sobriety is very simple, I ask God for guidance and that he let me do His will, not mine. I thank God each morning and night for giving me another day of sobriety. I accept the fact that I am alcoholic without question.
I thank GOD, that my mother, people who cared and AA were there for me. I'm just sorry that it took me 25 years to admit, that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable and that I was an Alcoholic. One drink was too many and a thousand were not enough.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Yours in recovery,
Roger S.