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I'm an Alcoholic
Hi, My name is Roger and I have a disease. It's called alcoholism. It took me 25 years to understand that I was an alcoholic, morally and physically ill and in need of help. I finally stopped denying my problem and now I'm a recovering alcoholic. Being in recovery for alcoholism in today's world isn't easy. Unfortunately, society still perceives alcoholism as a moral failure. I feared going into treatment because of the shame and stigma that I associated with alcoholism and of facing up to my guilt and low self-esteem. Alcoholics used to have only one choice, AA. Now there are a quite few choices we can make based on different philosophies and facts. My choice is AA.
It is my personal belief that alcoholism is a physiological progressive disease that starts within the liver but centers in our brain, and that we are possibly born with it. The Big Book; itself bases our recovery on accepting that our disease is but a symptom of underlying psychological problems.
Looking in the mirror and accepting what I saw was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It's especially hard when the image staring us in the face is painful or doesn't fit with how we want to see ourselves. Sometimes, the truth is so painful that we will deny it at any cost. Also feeding this denial was the stigma and shame I associated with alcoholism. Breaking through this denial is an alcoholic's first step in recovery
We must be willing to admit that "We are powerless over alcohol---that our lives had become unmanageable." Refusing to accept this painful perception of ourselves is a psychological defense called denial. Some common statements, I made to deny my disease include: "I could quit anytime I wanted to." "I'd quit drinking if people would quit nagging me." "If you were in my shoes, you'd drink, too." This was baffling and frustrating to my family and others who cared about me. I used denial to protect myself from any knowledge, insight or awareness that threatened my perceived self-esteem, mental or physical health, or security.
I thank GOD, that my mother, people who cared and AA were there for me. I'm just sorry that it took me 25 years to admit, that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable and that I was an Alcoholic. One drink was to many and a thousand were not enough.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Yours in recovery,
Roger S.