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Hi,
I bet you feel all alone when your mom or dad drinks too much. You may think that no one else's mom or dad drinks like yours. You probably think that no one knows how you feel. Well, I can tell you that there are plenty of kids your age who feel exactly like you, because their parents drink to. I know how you feel too, because I'm a recovering alcoholic and my father was an alcoholic too.
It's not easy. When I was your age, I felt so alone. Every time my father started drinking, I got this funny feeling in my stomach. I knew that something wasn't right, but I was scared to tell anyone. I often wondered why my father drank so much.
I wondered what I did to make my father drink. I did not invite any of my friends to spend the night at my house because I never knew if my father would start drinking or not. I didn't want my friends to know what went on in my house. I was ashamed, and knew my house was REALLY different from everyone else's.
When I twelve my parents got divorced. My mother and I went to live with my Grandparents. I began to meet other kids who also had parents who drank. Some came from homes that were more messed up than mine had been and others that didn't have as many problems. We never talked about what went on in our houses when our parents started drinking. I never realized then that other kids had the same kinds of confusing things, happening to them.
I now realize one thing. That when I thought I was alone and the only one who had a parent who drank. I WASN'T. There are a lot of us out there.
But now, I want to tell you some things about moms and dads who drink. I wish someone had told me when I was a kid. In fact, I wish I had told my own daughter these things. Maybe they will help you understand this disease a little bit, and you will not blame yourself, the next time your mom or dad starts to drink.
Fact #l
Alcoholism is a disease. Your mom or dad is not a bad person; they lose control when drinking. Alcohol does that; when you drink too much. You do and say things that you normally wouldn't. The disease makes them do mean or stupid things that they would not do if they didn't drink.
Fact #2
You cannot control your mom or dads drinking. It is not your fault. Don't hide the bottle or try to be perfect; you can't do anything about their drinking. You are not the reason why they drink. You did not cause the disease.
Fact #3
You are not alone. There are lots of kids just like you. I'll bet there are some in your class at school. Kids who have parents like yours that drink. Maybe you know some of them because you've seen what goes on in their house. In fact there are about eleven million children with alcoholic parents in America. You really aren't alone.
Fact #4
You CAN talk about the problem. Find someone you trust who will talk to you. It could be a teacher, a friend's parent, a big brother or sister, or someone else who will listen to you. These are the 'safe people' in your life.
Please don't forget these four facts. They will come in handy.
Your friend,
Roger
An adult child of an alcoholic